Well it is time once again for that commercial holiday known as "Father's Day." Every year for the last ten years this day is very difficult for me to get through. If one did not know me, one would think that maybe I lost my father. Well...in fact I did and I didn't.
Ten years ago, my mom and I discovered that my father had lost our house after he defaulted not only on the mortgage but the taxes as well. We became homeless for almost a month then forced to live in a shack of a trailer. Meanwhile, he was partying it up with his sister (my Godmother oddly enough). It was like what happened had no effect on him what-so-ever.
I made it out of that dark tunnel of 2003. I fell a couple of times but I made it, and I made it out with a college degree and the meeting of my husband. After I left my mom's and moved in with my now husband, I found out I had been disowned by my father's entire side of the family, simply because I stood up, never backed down, and never caved in for his lies. He has gone so far to tell people I don't exist.
So "Father's Day" has come to hold an new meaning for me. I've decided that I will celebrate this holiday and rejoice in the fact I have three men in my life that will always be the best "father's" a girl could want. My husband, Todd has been my rock for almost 8 years. Even when he doesn't understand my "Daddy issues" he really does try to be supportive. Above all, he gives me the unconditional love, I have longed for my whole life. My Grandfather, Jack is everything I could ever ask for in a father figure. He has been there for not only me but my mom, my brother, and my sisters through everything. Always providing that shoulder to cry on and a helping hand. I couldn't have asked for a more suitable candidate to walk me down the aisle. Finally, there is my Father-in-Law, Ed. He has shown me what a father's love can do for a child. He's done so with grace and integrity, something I've never seen before. I know Todd plans on following in his steps, as he's already started. So, when Todd and I begin our family, I know my children will have what they need in a father.
I may never forget nor do I think I have the ability to forgive for the pain this "father of mine" has inflicted on me all these years, but I know I can only keep trying to move forward and better myself. And, now, I know I have the unconditional, undeniable support from these three men...and hey, 3 is better than 1 isn't it?
Heather,
ReplyDeleteSome men just never figured out how to be fathers. Some can fake it, some don't even try. Don't let your dad keep that noose around your neck. You may never forget the pain he has brought to you but by not letting it go(forgiveness) he still has that power over you. Don't even give him that. Forgiveness is a powerful instrument. Use it and you will be free of his power over you. I know your Dad and I totally understand. I'm so glad that you have three good men in your life!!