Learning To Live In Happiness

 It has come to my attention that I need to put focus on what is important to me in my life. I have had some time to sit and think, almost meditate, over this. I've come to the conclusion for as much confusion and chaos rattles my life to it's core, I truly have a lot to be happy for. I think it is due time that I let in the light and try very hard to close off the dark that so often seeps into my being. 

Being married to Todd has had it's trials and tribulations, as any marriage has, but all in all it has been a blessing to have a strong, honorable man to call my husband. He would give the shirt off his back if someone needed it. This is a definite trait I see in his Father and his Grand-Father (whom I've never met). I am so happy to have him to provide me with the love I've wanted for so long. 

Then there is Sabrina, Talia, and Mikayla. They may not be mine but I love them more than life itself. I would do anything for these children. I am here for the long haul and I have so much love and experience to share with you. You fill my heart with a kind of love I didn't know I was capable of.

Of course then there is my family. God knows we've had lots of misery, fights, and silence. However, no matter what, we always manage to come together when we need each other. I hope this is something that remains this way forever. I love you all and I see so much in each one of you. 

Mom, you have made great strides. To see you smile and show "true" happiness lifts my heart to distances far beyond belief. Whether it's who you are with or the work you've done on your own, I am so happy you're in a place of such peace. I hope that someday I can reach this level of contentment.

As for my friends. I've seen some come and I've seen some exit. There is a handful that have remained by my side, even if we're not around each other all the time. There is a handful of new friends that I would not trade for the world itself. I hope to continue on our paths, together, even if apart. 

So, here's to happiness...if I "fall" off...catch me and bring me back where I belong. <3 <3

Where Do All The Friendships Go?

I never thought I would ever experience the loss of something and someone I hold in the most sacred part of my being. 
In my heart you have always held one of the keys. You were what I wanted so badly when things went poorly in my life. I thought
I held that same prized possession with you.

The above heart translates in two ways for me now.
1) Best friends always have a piece of each others hearts. Even if not close by distance, they are always close at the heart.
2) My heart feels like this looks...broken in two. Only thing is, I apparently have both pieces. Your silence returned your half.

I really do wonder if I am the only one feeling this way? Or have I just been replaced? Twenty-six years and tons of good times...not so many bad, where did it go?