For so long I have attempted to be strong. For so long I have held this facade so near and dear to my heart that I almost believed it was real. Slowly, that falsehood as begun to chip away at itself. I am growing more and more impatient with where I am by every minute that flies by. I am left in a state of complete and utter chaos within myself. I don't have ability to turn and seek advice. One can't gain knowledge from people who are more broken than the one asking for help. I have tried explaining my silence. I have vocalized what my "issue" is time and time again yet it apparently goes unheard. I feel like I have no where to turn. There are those that offer their shoulders and ears and for that I am appreciative. I just wish I mattered to those that I am so undeniably supportive of and love with all my heart. I want to be noticed, appreciated, feel loved, whisked off my feet, feel the admiration one should feel when they are in love. I have survived so much heartache and pain in the twenty nine years I have been on this planet that I honestly don't know if I can handle anymore. Yet, without fail, here I am again, knocking on the door of said pain. All I want to do is run from it and somewhere find where I truly belong. I take care of everyone else, and advise those who need it but there is no one taking care of me and tending my heart, my issues, my nightmares, my fears, my passions. I guess, I am just wondering when it will be my turn to feel more than what I do now. This song, by Faith Hill, says it all!
"It Matters To Me"
Baby tell me where'd you ever learn
To fight without sayin' a word
Then waltz back into my life
Like it's all gonna be alright
Don't you know how much it hurts
When we don't talk
When we don't touch
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love
It matters to me
When I don't know what to say
Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me
Maybe I still don't understand
The distance between a woman and a man
So tell me how far it is
And how you can love like this
'Cause I'm not sure I can
When we don't talk
When we don't touch
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love
It matters to me
When I don't know what to say
Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me
Baby tell me where'd you ever learn
To fight without sayin' a word
Then waltz back into my life
Like it's all gonna be alright
Don't you know how much it hurts
When we don't talk
When we don't touch
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love
It matters to me
When I don't know what to say
Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me
Maybe I still don't understand
The distance between a woman and a man
So tell me how far it is
And how you can love like this
'Cause I'm not sure I can
When we don't talk
When we don't touch
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love
It matters to me
When I don't know what to say
Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me
